"Going to She Speaks!"

This will make year three for me. I am as excited about the trip this year as I was the first. However, this year I have a totally different perspective and reason for my excitement.

Year one was all about 'me.' I was excited about the book I had written and I was sure that I would be offered a writing contract and become the next 'best-selling Christian author.' Ahem! Boy was I ever full of myself. Thankfully God poured out His grace and even though I didn't get a book contract, I saw God and heard from Him in such powerful ways that I left the conference realizing that God's blessings are far better than the things I had hoped for in my own very small rendering of what to expect from the conference.

Year two I had a bit better perspective. My goal for the conference was not to seek a writers contract, but rather to be open to experiencing God and to listening to anything and everything that He would reveal. Again, God showed up in BIG and POWERFUL ways. I was blessed beyond measure.

Year-three, and this year my reasons for attending "She Speaks" have shifted even more. This year I will be taking several ladies who are first time attenders. I am soooo excited because I know that this conference has resulted in changing the lives of many, many ladies. These friends are wonderful Christian ladies and I can't wait to hear what God reveals to them during this weekend.

I am also excited because this year I am praying that God will use me to bless others. No, I'm not looking for a writing contract, or hoping for a national speaking tour. This year my goal is just to be present with God. To allow Him to direct my every word, action, deed and prayer. I desire to glorify my Savior, and this year allow the spotlight to shine where it should; on my Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. May I forever praise His name!

The Terminator

THE TERMINATOR

 

I was asked one time, “How can you believe in God, when He allowed you to have PD?  Isn’t God supposed to be loving and kind?”

 

First, I don’t blame my having Parkinson’s disease on God, nor has my health status ever had any impact on my belief in God; other than in a positive sense. 

 

Second, God is loving and kind; among a host of other indescribable attributes.

 

So how do I maintain my faith and my belief in a Holy God?

 

The only thing that I have ever been totally convinced of, in an ever changing and unpredictable world, is that God exists and that He loves me.  The fact that I have PD doesn’t change that.  God did not afflict me with PD.  Many people think that God afflicts people with sickness and disease.  I do not believe that, nor do I find in His word support of that. 

 

It is my belief that sickness and disease comes upon people due to the fact that we live in a world characterized by sin.  In Genesis we read that the serpent was present here on earth from the beginning.  He was already at work tempting man to sin and turn away from God.  (See Genesis 3: 1-7)  And Adam and Evil obliged, and fell into sin.

 

God made His creation, you and me, with the ability to choose what we believe, and He granted us free will.  When, by our actions, we make poor choices; such as Adam and Eve made, God, because He is a jealous, yet just and loving God, allowed pain into the picture of human life.  In much the same way that those of us who are loving parents will allow our children to fail or experience hurt so that in the long run they have enough experience to make good choices.  If there were no pain and suffering we would have no need of God. 

 

A vast amount of our pain and suffering is self-inflicted.  Over the years of my life, I cannot begin to count the times that I have thought that I knew more about or did not want to listen to another’s advice on many issues, topics, or actions.  Subsequently, many times I would not listen to any advice.  Needless to say my way of doing life cost me great pain; pain that in many instances could have been avoided.

 

I am not at all suggesting that Parkinson’s disease or most any other disease is something that is caused or even contributed to by the action or lack thereof the patient.  What I am stating is that I know that you and I live in a world where there is evil, pain and suffering all around.  Just one quick look at the world and you can see it.  Often you can hear it, many can feel it, and occasionally we can even taste it.  The pain, hurt, harshness, ugliness, violence, sexism, racism, pride, jealousy, envy, lust, and other hurtful issues do not come from God.  “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.”  (John 1:5 NIV) 

 

On this side of eternity with my Savior there will be pain and suffering.  Many saints who have done so much to further the cause of Christ will be struck with disease, involved in automobile accidents, be victimized in some brutal way; and many will die, an early or untimely death, at least to our human way of thinking.  And, unfortunately, yes, even sometimes babies or children suffer and die.

 

For any parent grieving the loss of a child, I can only empathize with how difficult it must be, and from experience I know that often parents want to ask God, “Why?” 

 

I don’t have an answer to all, or even any situation other than my own.  For me having Parkinson’s disease is all about learning to surrender.  I believe that God is calling me to do many things with Him.  (Not for Him, as He is very capable of doing anything and everything on His own.  ~ a topic for some other time)  When one has a health condition which impedes ones daily functionality and almost daily something else causes pain or another ability becomes consumed by the disease, it is almost as shocking as being diagnosed all over again.  Patients like me know that we are living with a disease, yet I don’t think that anyone is ever fully prepared for the changes that come with a progressive and incurable disease.

 

When I have those rough days, what I call “park days;” it can be quite easy for me to want to blame someone.  Or slip into a “woe is me attitude.” I must remind myself that I have two options; live a miserable existence moaning about my misfortune, and make all those around me miserable in the process; or I can choose to rejoice!  I have made it my personal goal to try to go through my life with strength and dignity and rejoice always in my Lord.  (Hence, why I have this blog.)  Plus, for me I truly see PD as a blessing and a gift in my life.

 

Some of you may think that my husband should call the men with one of those little white jackets that lace up the back when I issue such a statement; but hear me out. 

 

Prior to PD it was much easier for me to become prideful and think that I  had done a good job when sending a note of encouragement to someone that  was hurting.  Now, I know that it is the voice of the Holy Spirit who calls the need to my mind.  Prior to PD, I would more often than not, when involved in a disagreement with my husband, puff up my chest and say, “Well, I’m right.  I’m not going to apologize!”  Now, the Holy Spirit quietly whispers to me, “Apologize!  It doesn’t matter who is a fault.  You are commanded to love, and love is a choice, not an emotion.”  Prior to PD, I would desire to serve God, but sadly, often I wanted to serve in an area where I could shine.  Now, I not only don’t need to shine, I don’t want to shine; BUT I am very concerned with knowing if my actions, words and deeds allow God to shine through me.

 

This disease has brought many things into my life.  Many are, to minimize things considerably, not fun.  However, my relationship with the Lord has grown, and the peace, joy and contentment that I feel inside through my personal relationship and total dependence upon God is more than worth the price.

 

So, no matter what PD takes away from me in the weeks, months and years to come, I know that the hand of my loving Heavenly Savior will bless me more abundantly than I can even hope for or imagine. 

 

I say, give me your best shot PD!  I got the terminator of all suffering, pain and evil on my side and you cannot win!!!

 

 

 

 

Day of Rejoicing

“When we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing that will be.” I am sure that most of us recognize those words from the song, “When we all get to Heaven,” lyrics by Eliza E. Hewitt, composition by Emily E. Wilson. I know that when we get to heaven there will be much rejoicing, but why until we get to heaven?

Today I had the opportunity to rejoice as I did something I have been longing to do for a very long time. I wrote this blog posting from my new laptop computer while sitting by the lake at the park. Although our weather here in southeastern Illinois has taken a turn back to more winter-like temperature and I did not get to sit at one of the picnic tables outside, I did rejoice and enjoy the beauty of nature from the interior of my van.

God has placed so much beauty before us and all too often we rush through life and never even notice. Today I got intentional about noticing. I watched as a squirrel looked for acorns that he had no doubt hidden before winter. I watched as a robin searched the leaves for a grub or worm. I watched a Canada goose swim and duck its head down below the surface of the water, and I enjoyed the tranquility of a quiet country morning. Each reason of its own to rejoice and praise His name!!

However, as I sat and took in the rich beauty of the morning my mind was led to a very dark morning; the morning that my Jesus was crucified. I began to ponder over the miracle that His life and death bring to those of us who receive Him as Savior. Were it not for His love and amazing grace, (two more wonderful praise songs) there would be no song singing about all of us getting to heaven. Thoughts along that line make me appreciate the beauty of nature that I am free to enjoy even more.

As I considered how dark this world would be if we did not have the love and grace of our Savior, my heart began to overflow with praise for the little things that I too often take for granted.

When I left the park and drove to pick my son up from school, I began naming a few of the things that I am thankful for, and as I named them, I rejoiced and praised God for His goodness. Sometimes this was done in silent reverence. Other times I shouted out “Thank You,” or “Praise His Name,” or even, “God is so good to me!” I found a CD with praise songs on it and sang along, just praising my Father and my Lord. It refreshed my soul and it was good, so good! I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about how my rejoicing in His many gifts must have brought my God a smile too.

This conscientious naming of some of the things I am thankful for and praising Him for His many blessings is a habit that I want to make a regular part of my life. So, now I’m challenging you! Will you join me and begin praising and rejoicing because of Jesus and what He has done in your life? Why should we wait until we get to heaven? If we have received Christ as our savior we are already living for eternity, and if we are living for Him; reading His word, praying and being quiet before Him so that He can speak to us, we even get glimpses of Him from time to time. So, as for me, I’m going to be rejoicing more and shouting the victory over the everyday wonderful blessings that God has so richly bestowed upon me. Are you coming along?

Just Praising Jesus (Some more)

"These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may remain in you, and that your joy might be full." John 15:11

I know that it has been a long time since I posted, and I appologize to whomever might be out there in cyber-land that cares enough to check my blog from time-to-time.

Today I have a couple of items on my heart that I wanted to share with all of you.

First, I received notification from the Social Security Administration that my application for disability has been APPROVED!!! YIPPEE! I have been doing a happy dance since the call came in on Friday, February 27th. (Well, these days it may look like a happy 'shake,' but you get the picture.) This determination was super speedy, as most people don't hear anything for anywhere from 6-months to a year after initial application. I applied on December 20th, 2008. So, from application to approval was just over 2-months and we had all of the holidays in that time-frame too.

Folks, I know that the Lord's fingerprints are all over that one!! And, I will continue to praise Him, no matter what the future holds.

Second, I wanted to speak with you about some of the struggles of life. Today I woke up with a terrible cough and cold. Not only did I wake up with the 'crud,' but so did my husband and son. That in and of itself would have been bad enough, but any type of illness, such as a cold, coupled with my PD really wipes me out.

Although the struggle that I have faced today is mild when compared to what many others are going through, I began to think about how we often cope with the difficulties of life. How do we cope when life seems to be out of control?

I have a very dear friend who is currently dealing with a broken relationship. The struggle to hold on to faith and to reach out to God for comfort are very real. During times of crisis such as this one would not usually find joy.

I also have several friends who are dealing with cronic and debilitating disease. I know of others who have experienced the loss of a loved one lately.

It is during these very real and very difficult life experiences that we have the ability to make a huge impact for the Lord. People are watching all of us who claim Christ as savior even more closely during times of stress in our lives. What a powerful witness we can be during those times!

Is this an easy thing to do? Not at all! However, Paul tells us, "We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28 NASB)

I was listening to a Christian radio broadcast the other day and caught the tail end of a conversation between the radio host and a couple who had lost two of their four daughters at one time. From what I could gather they were shot and killed. The one thing that really hit me from the interview was at the end the radio broadcaster stated that this mom and dad had been able to meet the parents of the boy who killed their girls. The broadcaster asked the parents of the murdered girls how they felt about that meeting. Both parents were so gracious and they stated that the death of their girls was not the fault of the parents of the shooter. They said that as Christians we are all called to forgive as we have been forgiven. They said that blame and the what if's would not change the fact that their girls were gone, so they choose forgiveness.

Those parents really knew what it means to carry the banner of Christ high! Even in the midst of their very real pain and suffering they never once blamed God, nor did they loose the joy of their salvation.

Having heard that story, I had to ask myself, "How am I reacting to the stressors of life?"

This is what I discovered when I cut away all of the excuses and got through my 'pity party' and reached the bottom line: "When Christ forgives your sin and fills you with His spirit, you ought to know the joy of the Lord in your life." *1

Let's circle around to my opening scripture verse from John. It was Jesus who was talking and said, " These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full." These words were prayed by Jesus to His Father shortly before he was to die on the cross.

Now, if you are like me you are probably thinking, "Jesus is about to be crucified and He prays a prayer asking His Father for the disciples to have joy. What's up with that?

In his book, "Going the Second Mile," by Mel Blackaby, Mr. Blackaby explains things like this. "Knowing what had been entrusted to the disciples, His prayer is amazing. Notice that Jesus didn't pray, "Father make them to be great preachers. . . [nor did he pray] . . . give them insight to teach theology. . . Why was the Lord concerned about theri being full of joy? Because He knew their countenance would validate the message of abundant life in Christ. Their faces would testify that there's freedom from sin and hope in Christ." *2

As I look in the mirror today, does my countenance validate Jesus Christ and His life? Am I a testament to His power? Am I living our James 1:2, which says, "Count it all joy when you fall into various trials."

Okay, okay! I know how difficult this is! I know that the last thing one wants to do, when a loved one is taken too early by a senseless act of violence, is smile and shine for Jesus. Yet, the couple who lost two young daughters in just such a manner still managed to shine for Him! They maybe didn't have a smile on their face, but they made it clear that Jesus is in control of their lives and that they 'choose' to trust Him. They made it clear that their two daughters really belonged to God, and He had just entrusted their care to them until He was ready to call them home.

Huh? Oh, yeah, I said I was getting to the bottom line didn't I?

I am convinced that the Lord doesn't ask us to do things that come easy to us. However, He does ask us to do things that He, through His grace, has enabled us to do. It is God's grace that sustains us! Everything we enjoy about life in this world He created or allowed to be created. It is ALL HIS! This life is not about US! It is about us being created in His image (see Genesis 1:27), an image of radiance and light. Remember what happened to Moses when he spent time on the mountain with God? Talk about a joy reflector, Moses truly became one!

The sooner we begin to reallly believe and accept the fact, that apart from Jesus we are nothing, but with Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit indwelling us we are everything to God, the sooner we will be able to display His joy even during the most difficult time. When we fully grasp what it means to be a child of the King, our God most High, and we daily experience His love, it should not be difficult for us to be radiant for Him!

Off now to shine for Him. PD won't keep me down, nor will this cough and sore throat. What about you?

Disclaimer: I know that there are many people who are grieving and may have read this post and felt as if I slapped them in the face, rather than serving as an encouragement. If you fall into this category, please accept my apology. It is not my intention to hurt anyone, yet I ask that 6-months or a year from now you come back and read this post again. Read this again when you have been able to put some space and time in between you and the pain. I believe that if you know Christ, He will have restored you and carried you through the difficult time. Hopefully you will be able to praise Him for seeing you faithfully through, and your joy will be restored.