Listening for the "Voice of Truth"

God is amazing. He takes advantage of anything and everything that we do in His name to reveal Himself and His love to His people.

This year I attended "She Speaks" on the speaking track. The prior two years I had attended on the writers track. I never imagined that this change would bring about so much change in my heart. During my life I have always been told that I was gifted at weaving stories together through the written word, but I have not felt much calling to 'speak' my writing. So when I signed up to be part of a speaker's evaluation group I really knew only one thing for certain. God had given me a message and I was to present it at "She Speaks."

The main title for both of my messages was "The Voice of Truth," with the subtitles of, Who Am I, and I'm Listening God, I'm Listening.

Prior to the conference I had prayed that God would allow me to be a light bearer for Him. I asked for Him to reveal to me anyone who needed a word, prayer, encouragement, pat on the back, hug or blessing from God, and that He would allow me to be His message bearer.

God delivered BIG in so many ways, and I was blown away.

I would like to share just one example with you in which God not only allowed me to 'step out for Him,' but also taught me again just how valuable "listening to His voice of truth" can be.

During one of my break-out sessions on Saturday, God interupted the speaker with the impression on my heart that I was to leave the hotel and find a copy shop and make six copies of my pen and ink drawing of Christ. His instructions were not to be argued with.

I did as God instructed and went to the nearest copy shop and made six copies. I did not know what I was to do with these drawings, but I made the copies anyway. It didn't take long for God to reveal His plan. He led me to use my drawing as a way to open up conversations leading to prayer, sharing and blessing others with His words that He placed upon my heart.

Just about the time I was thinking, "What a gift! God has found a way to make this 'sharing His love thing' easy for me;" I was walking to the book table to pick up a few books to take home and read and passed the terrace and a group of men who were holding hands and praying. At that moment I felt the strong impression from God that I was to take one of those men a copy of my drawing.

What? Wait a minute God. I have no problem speaking to the women here at the conference, after all I am co-leader of women's ministry and speak to and in front of women all of the time. But speaking to men, especially men that I don't know; outside of my comfort zone. Way outside of my comfort zone.

So what did I do? What any scared little redneck girl would do, I stuck my fingers in my ears and hummed "I don't hear you God, I know you're not talking to me," and proceeded on my journey to purchase me some books.

Well, wouldn't ya know, the book table was closed. So, since sticking my fingers in my ears wasn't working and God was still sitting on my shoulder and whispering for me to walk out on the patio and speak to that group of men I . . .

. . . decided to go into the prayer room and pray for God to change His mind, send someone else, or for the men to be gone when I left the prayer room to go back up to my room for the evening.

After spending time wrestling with God, and being blessed by being able to pray with and for one of my sweet sisters, I figured I had spent sufficient time to allow the men to disperse from the patio. Yet, God kept poking at my heart. And I kept arguing. "Lord, you didn't tell me which man to speak to. Lord, they will think I am crazy. Lord, I'm a woman, I know how to share your love with women, but I don't know how to speak to men."

I rounded the corner, praying that the men would be gone. Wrong! They were all still seated in the exact spot they were when I went by the first time. Again, I felt the tug of God to open the door and step out in faith.

But, my feet were trying to propel me on down the hall when I found myself seated in a chair looking out the windows at those men and I heard myself saying, "Please, don't ask me to do this." However, it was clear, I was going to do what He was requesting.

Garnering all of the strength I could manage, I rose to my feet, stood on wobbly legs and walked to the door and opened it wide. I stepped up the the table and politely said, "Excuse me guys. You may think I have lost my mind, but I feel strongly that God has asked me to come out here to you and give one of you a copy of this drawing of Christ. I am not sure who this message is for but God knows. He wants one of you to have this drawing to remember to keep your eyes focused on Christ in the difficult times to come. Since I don't know who is to have this, I would like to leave it here and God will work out who is to have it."

At that point I started to turn to leave them. But one man stood up. He reached into his pocket and took something out. He said, "Well mam, when I was coming out of the airport I looked down and saw this twenty-dollar bill in the gutter. I picked it up and as I did I felt the Lord tell me to hold on to it until He showed me who I was to give it to. Until this moment I didn't know who it was for, but I feel that God is leading me to give it to you. Would you accept it?"

To say I was stunned would be an understatement. I muttered something like, "Although I don't need the money, I will never refuse a gift from the Lord." I took the money stuffed it into my pocket and said to the men, "Thank you for your time and the encouragement that your faithfulness in prayer blessed me with," and then I turned and walked away.

I think that I floated to my hotel room, because I can't really remember walking back. I was filled with the joy of the Lord, and grateful that I had been obedient.

I am holding on to that twenty-dollar bill as I know that God will direct me as to where it is to go.

As I walk from day-to-day, I continue to be blessed by God, and I constantly strive to, "Listen to the Voice of God."

WOW ~ WOW!

Is God amazing or what?

I knew that "She Speaks" would bless my heart this year, but I was totally BLOWN away, ya'll!!

Don't have time to share right now, but please come back soon cause ya'll won't want to miss hearing some of the things God revealed to me this past weekend.

God is SOOOOOO Good!

"Going to She Speaks!"

This will make year three for me. I am as excited about the trip this year as I was the first. However, this year I have a totally different perspective and reason for my excitement.

Year one was all about 'me.' I was excited about the book I had written and I was sure that I would be offered a writing contract and become the next 'best-selling Christian author.' Ahem! Boy was I ever full of myself. Thankfully God poured out His grace and even though I didn't get a book contract, I saw God and heard from Him in such powerful ways that I left the conference realizing that God's blessings are far better than the things I had hoped for in my own very small rendering of what to expect from the conference.

Year two I had a bit better perspective. My goal for the conference was not to seek a writers contract, but rather to be open to experiencing God and to listening to anything and everything that He would reveal. Again, God showed up in BIG and POWERFUL ways. I was blessed beyond measure.

Year-three, and this year my reasons for attending "She Speaks" have shifted even more. This year I will be taking several ladies who are first time attenders. I am soooo excited because I know that this conference has resulted in changing the lives of many, many ladies. These friends are wonderful Christian ladies and I can't wait to hear what God reveals to them during this weekend.

I am also excited because this year I am praying that God will use me to bless others. No, I'm not looking for a writing contract, or hoping for a national speaking tour. This year my goal is just to be present with God. To allow Him to direct my every word, action, deed and prayer. I desire to glorify my Savior, and this year allow the spotlight to shine where it should; on my Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. May I forever praise His name!

The Terminator

THE TERMINATOR

 

I was asked one time, “How can you believe in God, when He allowed you to have PD?  Isn’t God supposed to be loving and kind?”

 

First, I don’t blame my having Parkinson’s disease on God, nor has my health status ever had any impact on my belief in God; other than in a positive sense. 

 

Second, God is loving and kind; among a host of other indescribable attributes.

 

So how do I maintain my faith and my belief in a Holy God?

 

The only thing that I have ever been totally convinced of, in an ever changing and unpredictable world, is that God exists and that He loves me.  The fact that I have PD doesn’t change that.  God did not afflict me with PD.  Many people think that God afflicts people with sickness and disease.  I do not believe that, nor do I find in His word support of that. 

 

It is my belief that sickness and disease comes upon people due to the fact that we live in a world characterized by sin.  In Genesis we read that the serpent was present here on earth from the beginning.  He was already at work tempting man to sin and turn away from God.  (See Genesis 3: 1-7)  And Adam and Evil obliged, and fell into sin.

 

God made His creation, you and me, with the ability to choose what we believe, and He granted us free will.  When, by our actions, we make poor choices; such as Adam and Eve made, God, because He is a jealous, yet just and loving God, allowed pain into the picture of human life.  In much the same way that those of us who are loving parents will allow our children to fail or experience hurt so that in the long run they have enough experience to make good choices.  If there were no pain and suffering we would have no need of God. 

 

A vast amount of our pain and suffering is self-inflicted.  Over the years of my life, I cannot begin to count the times that I have thought that I knew more about or did not want to listen to another’s advice on many issues, topics, or actions.  Subsequently, many times I would not listen to any advice.  Needless to say my way of doing life cost me great pain; pain that in many instances could have been avoided.

 

I am not at all suggesting that Parkinson’s disease or most any other disease is something that is caused or even contributed to by the action or lack thereof the patient.  What I am stating is that I know that you and I live in a world where there is evil, pain and suffering all around.  Just one quick look at the world and you can see it.  Often you can hear it, many can feel it, and occasionally we can even taste it.  The pain, hurt, harshness, ugliness, violence, sexism, racism, pride, jealousy, envy, lust, and other hurtful issues do not come from God.  “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.”  (John 1:5 NIV) 

 

On this side of eternity with my Savior there will be pain and suffering.  Many saints who have done so much to further the cause of Christ will be struck with disease, involved in automobile accidents, be victimized in some brutal way; and many will die, an early or untimely death, at least to our human way of thinking.  And, unfortunately, yes, even sometimes babies or children suffer and die.

 

For any parent grieving the loss of a child, I can only empathize with how difficult it must be, and from experience I know that often parents want to ask God, “Why?” 

 

I don’t have an answer to all, or even any situation other than my own.  For me having Parkinson’s disease is all about learning to surrender.  I believe that God is calling me to do many things with Him.  (Not for Him, as He is very capable of doing anything and everything on His own.  ~ a topic for some other time)  When one has a health condition which impedes ones daily functionality and almost daily something else causes pain or another ability becomes consumed by the disease, it is almost as shocking as being diagnosed all over again.  Patients like me know that we are living with a disease, yet I don’t think that anyone is ever fully prepared for the changes that come with a progressive and incurable disease.

 

When I have those rough days, what I call “park days;” it can be quite easy for me to want to blame someone.  Or slip into a “woe is me attitude.” I must remind myself that I have two options; live a miserable existence moaning about my misfortune, and make all those around me miserable in the process; or I can choose to rejoice!  I have made it my personal goal to try to go through my life with strength and dignity and rejoice always in my Lord.  (Hence, why I have this blog.)  Plus, for me I truly see PD as a blessing and a gift in my life.

 

Some of you may think that my husband should call the men with one of those little white jackets that lace up the back when I issue such a statement; but hear me out. 

 

Prior to PD it was much easier for me to become prideful and think that I  had done a good job when sending a note of encouragement to someone that  was hurting.  Now, I know that it is the voice of the Holy Spirit who calls the need to my mind.  Prior to PD, I would more often than not, when involved in a disagreement with my husband, puff up my chest and say, “Well, I’m right.  I’m not going to apologize!”  Now, the Holy Spirit quietly whispers to me, “Apologize!  It doesn’t matter who is a fault.  You are commanded to love, and love is a choice, not an emotion.”  Prior to PD, I would desire to serve God, but sadly, often I wanted to serve in an area where I could shine.  Now, I not only don’t need to shine, I don’t want to shine; BUT I am very concerned with knowing if my actions, words and deeds allow God to shine through me.

 

This disease has brought many things into my life.  Many are, to minimize things considerably, not fun.  However, my relationship with the Lord has grown, and the peace, joy and contentment that I feel inside through my personal relationship and total dependence upon God is more than worth the price.

 

So, no matter what PD takes away from me in the weeks, months and years to come, I know that the hand of my loving Heavenly Savior will bless me more abundantly than I can even hope for or imagine. 

 

I say, give me your best shot PD!  I got the terminator of all suffering, pain and evil on my side and you cannot win!!!